Ep. 101: Orion's In Trouble, part 1 - ✔

 11 November 08, PM 01.08 [2017] - Orion's In Trouble - REDO COMMENTARY

 

TITLE

Orion's in Trouble

 

SETTING

Illybrius’s room

 

Tue, Nov 11, 2008 at 1:08 PM

 

DRAKE

Ummm...It's Drake, listen...

 

EPIPHANY

[Must we?]

 

EVRYN

It's kind of our job. We're Commentary.

 

BROWN

Yeet! Yeet!

PRAGER

Skrt!

BROWN

Yeet!

Z-DOG

GUYS, WE HAVE TO PAY ATTENTION!

PRAGER

Oh shit, my bad, dawg!

BROWN

We're practicing for our rap career!

MANSK

LATER!

BROWN

Aaawwww... okay.

 

ROSEMARY

My name is Rosemary.

 

EVRYN

And today is 11/11!

 

DRAKE

Amberanne showed up with Ferrin.

 

ROSEMARY

You're halfway there.

 

EPIPHANY

[Really? Neither of those sound much like "Rosemary" to me.]

 

LYLE

Brain dead, Eyedrops

Pain meds, Cyclops!

Z-DOG

Welp, I guess we're just rapping this entire commentary.

DRAKE

They...I need a spell to send them back to the demon world or else I don't think Orion will live....

 

EPIPHANY rolls eyes

[Oh noooooo.]

 

DRAKE

Maybe I should explain things.

 

ROSEMARY

Maybe. I'm not sure if I would in your position. You need to grow more.

 

EPIPHANY

   [Ooooh, burn.]

 

LYLE

TRY MALEMAX TODAY! 100% GUARANTEED TO MAKE YOUR GROWER A SHOW-ER!

PRAGER

Do not use if you have a history of allergic reactions to these products or if you have a history of depression or AIDS.

FIKE

Stop use and call your doctor if you have any serious reactions such as swelling, genital discomfort, overstimulation, erectile failure, or death.

DRAKE

Amberanne was the one who found Orion after he became a demon.

She is the reason he became a sex demon.

 

EPIPHANY

   [. . . Are new demons like stem cells?]

 

LYLE

You know, when I stuck my dick in my first hole I became a sex demon too. Then I dunno, I just suddenly got over puberty.

   EVRYN

   And if so, can we use them for stem cell research?

 

   EPIPHANY

   [You know. . . that's an interesting thought experiment.]

   [ I'll have to tell Erika about that one.]

 

ROSEMARY

I do not know who Erika is.

 

EVRYN

Epi, is your Erika cooler than the Irish Corri Sock by the same name?

 

   EPIPHANY

   [Much.]

 

DRAKE

She is ... she makes Pumpkin look like a nice person.

 

ROSEMARY

You are not a nice person!

 

EPIPHANY

   [Erika's a very nice woman.]

   [She bakes cookies for me.]

 

EVRYN

So THAT'S where those cookies come from!

 

DRAKE

To say she is cruel is being mild.

 

EPIPHANY

   [Oh, come on!]

DRAKE

Ferrin is her mate.

 

   EPIPHANY

       [Oh. He's talking about the other lady, isn't he?]

          

   EVRYN

   Yes, he is talking about this Amberanne woman.

 

DRAKE

He's just as bad. He is the reason Orion needs the pain.

LOPEZ

I still don't get why he can't just... you know... there's options. Tattoos are a great one!

PRAGER

So is fire!

LYLE

Just row, row, row across the--

LYLE is not able to finish because Mansk popped him in the mouth

LYLE

*laughs*

Z-DOG

It's because it makes tis a kinky sex fiction worse than Twilight, OK. Stop asking questions! Goooodd!

 

DRAKE

Feeding people to fish alive would be a mercy if he ever got a hold of you.

 

EPIPHANY

 [. . . You fail at forming sentences, even if you mean that he forces people to feed other people to fish.]

  

   EVRYN

   Illybrius keeps piranha and he's threatened to feed... someone here... to them before.

 

EPIPHANY

[Speaking of fish, who wants to look at pictures of mine?]

   [Clarence does the cutest little dance.]

 

ROSEMARY

Yes, please.

 

EPIPHANY pulls out phone, taps the touch screen a couple times, and hands it to Rosemary

 

   ROSEMARY accepts phone

   Your fish are much cuter than the loudmouth.

 

DRAKE

Between the two of them they made Orion what he is.

 

EPIPHANY

   [A joke?]

 

ROSEMARY

Also, you can use two nuns walk into a bar. You think one of them would've ducked.

 

   EPIPHANY

   [Oh! I know one!]

   [A priest, a rabbi, and a leprechaun walk into a bar.]

   [The leprechaun looks around, sees the priest and the rabbi, then leaves because he's in the wrong joke.]

 

   EVRYN

   Ooh, ooh, I've got one! Two furries walk into a convention--

  

   OVD

   No, Evryn.

  

   EVRYN

   Damn it!

FIKE

MY TURN, DAMN IT! A bear walked into a bar. He says to the bartender, "I'll have a ............................... beer." 

The bartender says, "What's with the big pause?"

The bear holds them up and says, "I don't know, I've always had 'em."

It's not funny. Don't laugh.

Z-DOG

Was the bear a furry?

FIKE

No, bitch! The bartender was! Obviously....

DRAKE

I don't know how they found him but they did.

 

EVRYN

What, the furries?

 

DRAKE

They bust in and Orion grabbed his laptop and me and hid us in the library under once of the sofas on the second floor. I can look down and see what they are doing to him.

 

ROSEMARY

That doesn't make sense. Aren't you under a couch cushion?

 

DRAKE

He was screaming at first but now... Please as soon as you get this please send me a spell.

 

ROSEMARY

You get that thing I sent ya?

 

DRAKE

He...I don't know how much longer he can last.

Zhang

Ssssshhhh just die

 

ROSEMARY

I hopped off the plane at LAX.

 

DRAKE

Wait, what thing? You never sent me anything.

 

ROSEMARY

I prepared explosive runes this morning!

 

DRAKE

Wait, wh--

 

The set go boom.

 

ORION

This is why I don't read!!!

 

SIGYN

Hooray, the set got destroyed and it's not my fault this time!

Prager, 😀

Do it again!