Ep. 102: Orion's in Trouble, part 2 - ✔

TITLE

Orion's in Trouble, part 2

 

Tue, Nov 11, 2008

SETTING: Orion’s room | 6.41 PM

 

DRAKE

ILLYBRIUS!

 

ILLYBRIUS

I’m here.

 

DRAKE

Please, I need permission to use your halberd, please!

 

ILLYBRIUS

Use it.

 

DRAKE

They’re going to kill him!

 

EPIPHANY

[This is the sound of no-one caring.]

 

LYONEL

🎵I know that we are young, and I know that you may love me, but I just can't be with you like this anymore, Alejandro!🎵

BRYNDEN 

*clears his throat loudly*

LYONEL

Oh, did we start? I forgot my care as well.

ILLYBRIUS

Use the halberd. I trust you.

 

DRAKE

They’re dead. Give me a few more minutes. I need to find the keys to release him!

 

EPIPHANY

[Too much telling, not enough showing.]

 

LYONEL

It's giving, "Help me, I shouldn't have to ask!"

MAEKAR

He clearly should not. The fuck!

ILLYBRIUS

Alright. Would a mild locator spell do anything?

 

EVRYN

Would an enema help?

MAEKAR

I think so. He seems backed up.

LYONEL

Mentally, maybe.

 

DRAKE

I… you made a good weapon. I wasn’t even aiming and it took both their heads off.

 

ILLYBRIUS

I’d be proud of I wasn’t frightened for Orion.

 

DRAKE

Hang on. I’ve almost got him free, okay?

ILLYBRIUS

Alright.

LYONEL

I believe in you! I just don't care.

MAEKAR

I don't believe in you or care.

AERION

Sometimes I throw up!

 

DRAKE

Goddesses, he’s… can you send him some power?

He’s torn really bad and… even though they used him for hours they never let him feed.

It was nothing more than torture.

AERION

Sounds like a normal party to me.

 

EVRYN

And I’ll bet he loved every second of it.

 

EPIPHANY

   [Or at least Corri did, and that's about the same thing.]

 

LYONEL

OK people, let's at least try to have some empathy! Does a body good.

MAEKAR blank-staring for a long moment

AERION

*bursts up laughing*

BRYNDEN

I do believe we ran out of this empathy. Please come back-- Oh, never mind, it died completely.

DRAKE

And when he was too far gone to care and it was your name he screamed….

 

SIGYN

I'm told they don't like it when that happens...

 

ROSEMARY

Why don't you wear your name?

 

EPIPHANY

   [Because he only wears a nametag for his other job.]

 

EVRYN

That doesn’t count. His Taco Bell nametag says “Hello, my name is Dipshizzle.”

  

DRAKE

It only made things worse.

 

EVRYN

I mean...

BRYNDEN

Mmmm, let me check my pockets... Oh, no, still no fucks.

 

ROSEMARY

How many things, exactly?

 

EPIPHANY

   [All the things.]

  

DRAKE

I… could hear him screaming for you and screaming for them to stop.

 

   EPIPHANY

   [We REALLY don't need you to go into this much detail.]

  

ROSEMARY

I like it when things happen; don't stop them from happening

 

EVRYN

Sure, don’t stop them from happening--just stop these idiots from blathering on about them.

 

DRAKE

I… think you’re the only reason he was able to get through this.

 

EPIPHANY

[Fucking hell.]

[This is so damn annoying.]

 

REIYA

Corri, you are such a fucking lazy writer.

 

DRAKE

Corri isn’t even HERE! Why are you talking about HER?

 

REIYA

You might know her better as "the arm up your bum", you sock puppet.

 

EVRYN

Because she wrote his lines?

 

DRAKE

I write all my own lines! I AM MY OWN MONSTER!

 

EVRYN 

*scoffs* Likely story.

 

EPIPHANY

[Well, SOMETHING'S monstrous here. And it’s the inability for whoever wrote your lines to produce anything other than shitty word-vomit for exposition.]

 

ILLYBRIUS

Open the bond. I’m going to relax my shields. Try to open the bond; I can’t control the power feed on my own.

 

DRAKE

I’ll help. Give me a moment.

*pause* There. He’s coming to. You want to speak to him? I need to get him a blanket. He’s freezing.

 

ILLYBRIUS

Yes.

 

[enter ORION]

 

ORION

Lee. I hope you’re well. Thank you for the energy.

 

ILLYBRIUS

I’ll be well when you are.

 

ORION

I’m fine.

 

EPIPHANY

[ I'm not sure if he’s intentionally contradicting what shit-for-brains said so that Illybrius will worry more at the blatant lie, or if Corri forgot.]

 

MAEKAR

Well I actively have a headache now in case anyone wants to know.

EVRYN

Thanks, we don't.

LYONEL

Well, at least our lack of fucks was justified.

ILLYBRIUS

Orion, why did they--

 

ORION

They were the ones that found me. My Master and Mistress.

 They made me into a pyric demon.

 

EVRYN

You are not a bloody fire demon. You are a Priapic. You should memorise this fact.

 

EPIPHANY

[Also, how is Onion so sure this is the "they" Illybrius meant?]

[Or that this adequately answers the question Illybrius didn't get a chance to ask?]

[He could have asked, "Why did they kidnap you THIS time?"]

 

EVRYN

Well, Epi, you know we would have just said, "For the drama."

 

EPIPHANY

[That's true.]

AERION

I need kidnapped for the drama.

MAEKAR

I need kidnapped.

AERION

What about the drama?

MAEKAR

No, I just won't come back.

AERION

Well, then, you can stay and I'll come back and start a scene.