TITLE
Orion's in Trouble
SETTING
Illybrius’s room
Tue, Nov 11, 2008
[8.00 PM]
ORION
It’s okay. We all do that.
ILLYBRIUS
How—how rough should I be?
ORION
As rough as you want. Just… don’t grab my throat please?
SIGYN
What do you mean, DON'T grab your throat? That's the best--
SERLEINA
HEY LOOK AT EPIPHANY, YOU GUYS!
EPIPHANY
[Breath play is default now?]
EVRYN
No--
SIGYN
Maybe not for them.
EVRYN
-- but I think he’s trying to imply that Ferrin did that to
him.
SIGYN
So um, what DOES this Ferrin--
ORION
NO!!
SIGYN
So that's encouragement then, right? Coming from you?
ORION
. . . Fine, if you think yourself so smart then go right
ahead.
SIGYN
Woohoo! Iiii'm ~off to see the Wizard...~
[exit SIGYN]
DREPANON
Oh thank... Onion, I guess.
ORION
You're welcome~~~~
ILLYBRIUS
Of course not! All fours.
[/agequit Epiphany]
LIGHTS OUT
ORION
Yes... Can I call you Sir,
please?
ILLYBRIUS
Go ahead.
WT
Orion moves into position.
ORION
Yes, Sir.
WT
Illybrius purrs and searches for
lube.
ORION
I don't, don't need it, Sir.
EVRYN
Um, yes you do. You're not that
sparklespecial.
WT
Illybrius shrugs.
ILLYBRIUS
Alright.
WT
Illybrius enters dry.
ORION
*gasp of pain*
REIYA
What did Evryn just say?
ORION
I... please... need you...
WT
Illybrius takes Orion hard and
fast.
ILLYBRIUS
Damn, still tight as ever.
ORION
Y-Yes Sir...
WT
Orion gives moans of pain and
pleasure.
ORION
For you.
WT
Illybrius smiles and nips Orion's
neck as he thrusts forward.
Orion moans loudly and thrusts back against Illybrius.
Illybrius pulls out a length of yarn.
ILLYBRIUS
Ready?
ORION
Yes, Sir.
WT
Orion forces himself to stop
thrusting back.
Illybrius ties the yarn around Orion's balls,
more tightly than last time so it stings a bit, then ties the rest around his
own waist.
ILLYBRIUS
No thrusting back this time.
ORION
T-That's... *whimper*
WT
Illybrius chuckles and resumes
thrusting, at the same pace as before.
Orion whimpers and struggles not to thrust
back.
Illybrius increases speed!
SERLEINA
MACH TURBO!
YEAAAAAHHHHH!!!
ILLYBRIUS
You can play with yourself if you
wish.
SERLEINA
Nah, I'm good, thanks.
REIYA
ONII-CHAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNNN!
CINNAMON
Reiya, WHY?
REIYA
Because it makes me giggle. And
you know what they say: Incest is--
CINNAMON
Wrongbad. Incest is wrongbad.
DREPANON
...
CINNAMON
...
DREPANON
I was waiting for the Audience
to--
TOKIOMI
I agree! Very, very wrongbad!
DREPANON
I meant the other one, but then I
remembered she's not here.
TOKIOMI
And I, for one, am relieved.
DREPANON
Believe me, you're not the only
one.
WT
Orion moans and reaches down to
stroke himself while trying not to move, however the fuck that works.
ORION
I... feels so... hurts... more...
please...
REIYA
Really?
CINNAMON
I think I wrote a song with that
title once.
WT
Illybrius purrs and thrusts
harder, faster, holding Orion tightly round the waist.
Orion screams in pleasure as his wings come out and he thrusts back.
SERLEINA
Which Illybrius had told him not to do at the
beginning. Man, Corri's memory is really bad this episode!
ORION
Please... I need... so close...
ILLYBRIUS
You can hold it for another
minute. Count backwards from 60, and you may cum when you reach 1.
REIYA
That seems like the least sexy
thing you can possibly do, but okay.
AHRRY
SIXTY! FIFTY NINE! FIFTY EIGHT!
ORION
STOP it, he told ME to do it!
AHRRY
I'M JUST PROVING A POINT!
WT
Illybrius continues.
ORION
30, sir.
AHRRY
Oh please, that was NOT
twenty-eight seconds!
WT
Illybrius suddenly decreases his
pace, teasing.
ORION
I'm... *moan* One, Sir.
AHRRY
Really bad at counting, I assume.
REIYA
He's like me waiting for my turn
on the swings. "One, two, skip a few, ninety-nine, a hundred!"
ORION
*cries in pleasure* Please!
ILLYBRIUS
Cum with me.
SERLEINA
CUM ON FEEL THE NOIZE~
REIYA
Serleina, what?
SERLEINA
GIRLS, ROCK YA BOYZ!
REIYA
Um... Maybe not the best time to
sing that?
SERLEINA
What are you talking about? This
is the perfect time to burst into song!
WT
Illybrius increases his speed
again, thrusting with abandon--
AHRRY
Wait, he's thrusting the speed
into Onion's ass? No wonder Onion can't count!
WT
--crying out in pleasure as his
wings burst out as well. Then he shoots, hard.
AHRRY
PEW, PEW, MOTHERFUCKERS!
REIYA
Oh my God, Ahrry, is that the
bazooka from the Pilot?
AHRRY
Yes! Her name is Johnathan!
REIYA
Why Johnathan?
AHRRY
Because shut up.
REIYA
Oh, okay then.
TOD
Please choose a different name.
AHRRY
No.
WT
Orion explodes in several great spurts.
SERLEINA
See, he's over there, over there, and up there. I'm sure the props
department can put him back together, though.
ORION
ILLYBRIUS!
WT
Illybrius collects, drinks.
ORION
Wow...
WT
Orion gives dizzy moans at the site.
SERLEINA
Presumably, on the stage. Which is indeed where we are.
ILLYBRIUS
Me too.
SERLEINA
Well, yes.
TOKIOMI
Isn’t that exciting?!
WT
Illybrius cuts yarn, pulls out, rolls Orion
onto his back, licks at his tip.
Orion moans and thrusts up.
Illybrius sucks eagerly for a minute--
AHRRY
ONE, TWO, SKIP A FEW, FIFTY-NINE,
SIXTY!
WT
--then stops and rests his head
on Orion's stomach.
Orion reaches down to stroke Illybrius's hair.
[LIGHTS ON]
ORION
I… thank you. For saving me.
[enter SIGYN]
SIGYN
🎵SHOW me what IT'S LIKE to be the last one standing
TEACH me wrong FROM RIGHT and I'll show you what I can be
SAY it for me SAY it to me
And I'll leave this life behind me
SAY it if it's worth SAVING ME🎵
DREPANON
Thanks, Onion. No, really. I needed another reason to drink
today.
ILLYBRIUS
I wasn’t aware that I had.
ORION
If you hadn’t given Drake permission to use your… Akuma’s
halberd… I would have died.
EPIPHANY
[Are you sure? There must be countless other suitable
implements of decapitation.]
ORION
Ferrin… I wouldn’t have survived what he was going to do.
EPIPHANY
[Please tell me he was going to stab you in the neck
repeatedly.]
ORION
I won’t talk about them ever again.
REIYA
Yes, you will.
ORION
Those horrors are mine to keep.
EPIPHANY
[Protip: No-one asked.]
ILLYBRIUS
I’m always willing to listen if you need to talk, but I
understand if you don’t wish to.
ORION
I want to, I… just don’t know where to begin and my problems…
are nothing compared to Akuma’s.
EPIPHANY
[ I wasn’t aware we were playing in the Wangst Olympics
here.]
[Actually, yes I was.]
[ I still win.]
[Suck it.]
ORION
I read what your friend wrote.
EPIPHANY
[Who?]
EVRYN
Was it in Scathel?
ILLYBRIUS
Please don’t compare yourself to anybody else. You’re you.
ORION
I know, but I feel… like she needs both of us right now.
EPIPHANY
[Corri, your favouritism is showing.]
EVRYN
When is it not?
ILLYBRIUS
She needs all the help she can get--
EVRYN
That’s for sure, but not the kind you’re thinking of.
ILLYBRIUS
However, you shouldn’t deny yourself what you know yourself
to want.
EPIPHANY
[Shhh, your logic
doesn't belong here.]
SERLEINA
OUR LOGIC IS SO ALONE AND UNLOVED! AAAAAAAAAAANGST!
EVRYN
Nice try, but you're not going to win the Wangst Olympics as
long as Epiphany is here.
UNSOUND: DISAPPOINTMENT!
ORION
I want… come here. Please keep me safe while I tell you this.
ILLYBRIUS
Safe from what?
ORION
Myself. I will start tearing my wings up, but if you hold me... I think I should be okay.
EPIPHANY
[Threatening self-harm is always a good way to obtain
affection.]
[OH WAIT.]
EVRYN
It’s effective, but it’s also incredibly immature, and not in
the good way.
ILLYBRIUS
Don’t tear your wings. I like them.
ORION
I… don’t need food to survive. I can live off of nothing but
sex and pain. That is what it means to be pyric.
EPIPHANY
[A good writer could actually make that concept work.]
[Too bad Corri’s the opposite of a good writer.]
EVRYN
She’s not even HALFWAY decent. I mean, “pyric” means “of or
relating to fire”. There’s nothing fiery about Onion. He’s not even hot.
EPIPHANY
[Burn.]
[CUE SOUND: Rimshot]
SIGYN
I disagree, but his line did have nothing to do with what
Illybrius said, in addition to being something we've heard at least three times
before. If I want to hear circular bullshit, I can just go about my regular
life. I don't need to watch this show for that.
ILLYBRIUS
I see. You can eat, though?
ORION
Only breads and fruits if they are sweet. Anything else... I
just toss it back up.
EPIPHANY
[You do realise how many different ingredients are in bread,
right?]
EVRYN
Yeah, it’s like that time Cinnamon thought she got drunk off
of iced tea, and it turned out it was just Long Island iced tea.
ORION
Amberanne found me first.
REIYA
Hey, I thought you promised never to discuss them again in
Illybrius's presence!
ORION
She said she wanted a mate. I… wanted it too. But it was all
a lie.
ILLYBRIUS
Your diet’s not much different from Usagi’s. He refuses to
eat anything not fresh, and he says meat and preservatives make him sick.
EPIPHANY
[Well, if
"fresh" means "not cooked", then yes, I can see why he
might get sick from eating meat.]
[More seriously,
though, food allergies suck. I'm allergic to nori.]
SERLEINA
Fresh meat means
meat that's just died recently. AND IT'S DELICIOUS UNCOOKED! I never get sick
from it.
ORION
I can actually feed off of blood but it’s like a wet match on
a dark night. Doesn’t do much good. However my body turns pain and sex into
energy that… allows me to live and mate.
ILLYBRIUS
I like the taste of blood, but it’s very risky to feed off of
it. I’m glad that you’re telling me this, dear one.
ORION
If I should ever lose all energy the only way to get me alive
enough again to feed is by feeding me some of your cum.
EPIPHANY
[That’s biologically improbable.]
EVRYN
Yes, but this is a SUPERNATURAL DRAMA PARODY that pays very
little attention to Science!
EPIPHANY
[SCIENCE♥! needs more love.]
SIGYN
Ferrin doesn't. He's a terrible lover.
EVRYN
SUDDENLY....... THAT.
SIGYN
Hey, that too!
ORION
I'm not sure what you were expecting, but it happens that
way.
ILLYBRIUS smiles
I won’t reserve that just for emergency situations, you know.
ORION
Still I thought you should be aware in case it ever does
happen.
ILLYBRIUS
Thank you for telling me.
ORION
And I am allergic to mint. ANY type of mint.
EPIPHANY
[Does this mean Illybrius needs to cut mint out of his diet
so that Orion won’t go into anaphylactic shock and die from ingesting his
semen?]
OVD
No, because that would be hilarious.
ORION
Ferrin… when he transforms he is a battle demon. Much like
Caleb claimed himself to be.
ILLYBRIUS
You’re speaking of him in the present tense. He’s still--
ORION
Caleb claimed he was. He knows better now. He knows he is
your “Son” now and that makes him proud.
EPIPHANY
[You really don’t get this “natural flow of conversation”
thing, do you?]
ROSEMARY
I’m a potato.
SIGYN
BY THE STAAAAAARRRRRRRRS!
ILLYBRIUS
I meant when you said that when Ferrin “transforms”, vs.
“transformed,” he “is”, vs. “was”.
ORION
Sorry. I just… I can’t believe I’m free of them. I’m sorry.
Won’t happen again.
SIGYN
Wait, what? No, Ferrin is totally still alive, guys, he's in
the ba-- um.
TOKIOMI
You didn't.
SIGYN
I mean, it's not like YOU were using the space.
SERLEINA
Please tell me you at least didn't put him on top of my
sacrificial pentagram.
SIGYN
You're disturbing.
DREPANON
....bzuh?
SERLEINA
I echo that "bzuh".
ILLYBRIUS
It’s alright. I was merely confused.
SERLEINA
Yeah, so are we! Hence, bzuh!
ORION
Well a battle demon is known for being big.
EVRYN
So, like, Younger Toguro?
ORION
In their true form a battle demon is never under nine feet.
REIYA
Tell that to Yusuke Urameshi.
ORION
Their body is equal in all ways.
EVRYN
I think you mean "proportional". Their body is
"proportional".
REIYA
Also, you can just say that they have giant dicks.
SIGYN
It really wasn't that remarkable.
ORION
He threatened to mount me several times when he was like that
but…. never did it. Said I was better alive.
EPIPHANY rolls eyes
[Say, Evryn, do you remember what quality, non-cheap drama is
like? I think I’m forgetting.]
EVRYN
Compared to this, Hogwarts Exposed is the work of an
underappreciated genius.
ORION
Seventeen long and six wide.
SIGYN just starts laughing.
EVRYN
What's so funny?
SIGYN
That's... not accurate.
EVRYN
What do you-- .... He means imperial units, doesn't he?
SIGYN
Inches, yeah.
EVRYN and SIGYN laugh obnoxiously.
SIGYN
Yeah, I would say Ferrin is average, at best. Closer to 17
centimeters, as you initially thought.
ORION
I… there was no way I could have survived that in me.
SIGYN
OH MY GOD, YOU ABSOLUTE WIMP! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
EPIPHANY
[At least he's not a weretapir.]
[Good thing Corri doesn't know about tapirs.]
[Or barnacles.]
ORION grips Illybrius tightly in an effort not to grab his wings.
ILLYBRIUS swears in Drakoste, clings to Orion.
ORION
When Drake asked to use the halberd… he was holding me down
and… pressing in.
SIGYN
Okay, I admit that that would probably be unpleasant if you
didn't want it, but 6.7 inches isn't going to kill you.
ILLYBRIUS
Oh. I—I wish I’d been able to be here earlier!
EVRYN
Why, so you could film it?
ORION
I was lucky you entered when you did. When they found out I
had someone else… they were never that brutal. I… called out your name in
pleasure… instead of Amberanne’s and… I knew then that if you didn’t come my
life was forfeit.
EPIPHANY
[Couldn’t you have arrived later so we could avoid his
whining?]
EVRYN
Wasn't it DRAKE who ca...rrived?
SIGYN
"Carrived"?
EVRYN
You heard me.
ILLYBRIUS
I meant to arrive earlier.
EVRYN
No, you suck!
ILLYBRIUS
I also swallow.
EVRYN
Who cares?
ORION
I’m fine. I’m safe. That’s all that matters, Kio.
SIGYN
You're a dramatic little testicle, is what you are.
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