Saturday, November 15, 2008

Ep. 123. Drake's Punishment, part 1

 TITLE

Drake's Punishment, part 1

 

SETTING

Orion's room

 

Sat, Nov 15, 2008; 7.55 PM

 

ORION

Illybrius, my Pet--

 

EPIPHANY zaps Orion

 

ORION

--are you busy?

 

EVRYN

Yeah, he's doing his arse Kegels.

 

ORION

Very well, pet, I shall be waiting for you.

 

EPIPHANY zaps Orion.

 

ILLYBRIUS - wearing a vest.

Ori.

 

ORION

Hello, my Pet.

 

EPIPHANY zaps Orion

 

ORION

How are you?

 

ILLYBRIUS

Better, now that I'm speaking with you.

 

ORION

It seems that your bond-mate called an Enzeru Law into play on us.

 

EPIPHANY rolls eyes

[Uh-oh. Not Enzeru Law. How fucking big does a family have to be to have its own legislative system?]

 

STRAWBERRY

The Enzerus are the royal family, yeah?

 

MARIE

They are? I thought they lived in some village on the ass-end of nowhere. Is it a royal village on the ass-end of nowhere?

 

OVD

No spoilers!

 

EVRYN

They're just cribbing off Drakoste law anyway, except Drakoste lawbreakers get fed to piranhas, not... well, you'll see.

 

ORION

You people are so MEAN! It's not a FAMILY, it's a CLAN!

 

EVRYN

...I will not make an American history joke...

 

TOD

This is being edited in 2025. I don’t think you can make any American history jokes worse than what’s going on in current politics.

 

ORION

Yes. It seems that there is a law for what happened the other night with Drake interfering with our relationship.

 

ILLYBRIUS

A law for or a law against? I know there is a firm Drakoste law against interfering in relationships.

 

EVRYN

See? Told you they were cribbing.

 

[TIME: 8.00 PM]

 

ORION

Yes, well, Drake is sitting here at my feet in chains as a present for you.

 

STRAWBERRY, 😍

OH MY GOD, MY FAVORITE!

 

DÉSMODA

… who the fuck are you and why are you copying me?

 

STRAWBERRY, deadpan

I’m you from the future.

 

ORION

Since he offend you, and law comes into play where you have the right to invoke Cruin on him.

 

EPIPHANY

[> Q is either-or.

[>A is "Yes", followed by kinkcruft that doesn't actually answer the question.]

 

ILLYBRIUS

Invoke what?

 

EPIPHANY

[Guessing from context, it's something Corri thinks is hot, and wants you to ask about so she can describe it in loving detail.]

 

ORION

Cruin. Meaning he is yours for the night to... violate. Mine too should I want him. However, I wanted to see what you said first.

 

EPIPHANY

[Translation: It isn't fun for Corri unless she has an audience.]

 

TOD

I understand perfectly.

 

ILLYBRIUS

You may violate him; I'm content to watch.

 

ORION

The law doesn't apply to me. Just you. I can join if you want to though.

 

EPIPHANY

[But that contradicts what you JUST SAID.]

 

ILLYBRIUS

I'm not interested.

 

ORION

Oh boy. I really hope she knows what she's doing

 

ILLYBRIUS

Who?

 

ORION

Akuma. She is the one that told me about the law and asked that it be carried out. Since you chose no... his punishment is given to her and normally the punishment is death.

 

MARIE

Oh, wow! That’s not coercive at all!

 

TRENT

Okay, I believe you! 😀

 

ILLYBRIUS

You might have told me that beforehand. In that case, I change my decision.

 

EPIPHANY

[Corri just made it up now to force you to rape Drake. Which coincidentally makes it rape in both directions.]

 

ORION

It's not my place to call it. And Akuma says she… doesn't care what you chose.

 

ILLYBRIUS

Will you please explain this in a way that makes sense to those of us who aren't you?

 

EPIPHANY

[Corri will say any damn thing if she thinks it'll get you to give her wankfodder.]

 

ORION

Damn it Akuma come here and explain this. They're your fucking laws.

 

EVRYN

Yes, literally.

 

EPIPHANY

[Then why doesn’t she change them to something less stupid?]

 

EVRYN

Because it’s near-impossible for a character to be smarter than their creator.

 

[enter AKUMA]

 

AKUMA

Yes Kibito?

 

EPIPHANY

[ I hate you.]

 

EVRYN

If Illybrius is a "kibito," does that make Akuma a dendrophilliac?

 

EPIPHANY

[Let's go with "yes".]

 

ILLYBRIUS

What is going on? I don't understand any of this. Well, I understand that, since Drake interfered in Orion's and my relationship, I can violate him. However, nobody told me beforehand that if I refused to do so, you would die. What the fuck is going on?

 

EPIPHANY

[Well, I already gave you the out-of-universe reason.]

 

EVRYN

I think he wants to hear it from THEM.

 

ILLYBRIUS

I want to know everything, now.

 

EPIPHANY sighs.

[Here come the post-hoc explanations.]

 

AKUMA

Drake attempted to infringe on your bond to Orion.

 

EVRYN

Which is only “against the law” since Team Berserker mentioned it was against THEIR laws.

 

AKUMA

For that the punishment is either rape or death.

As a priestess of the dark I have to make sure the laws are carried out.

 

STRAWBERRY

I’m sorry, nande the fuck? A what of the whomst? This has NEVER come up before! Unless I was seriously not paying attention.

 

EVRYN

Probably, but neither do I. Our boss pays us in thoughts and prayers, after all.

 

STRAWBERRY

Oh. I thought he said “tots and pears”. I was really hungry that day.

 

MARIE

He is talking through a ceiling.

 

FREDDIE

Wait, you haven’t gotten your tots and pears yet? I did.

 

EVRYN

Wait, WHAT?!

 

MARIE

I mean, I guess we do also get paid in access to the snack table.

 

FREDDIE

Yes, that’s where I found the snacks.

 

SEI-SEI

I regret coming late to work that day.

 

EPIPHANY

[Yeah, there’s usually tots and pears when I come in, but they go fast.]

 

DÉSMODA

You guys get tots and pears? I’m getting paid in thots and spares.

 

AKUMA

I am... indifferent to his punishment since he brought this on himself.

 

FREDDIE

… Did you just say your brother brought being raped and/or murdered on himself?

 

EVRYN

When a Hannibal character thinks your script is fucked-up…

 

AKUMA

This is your call since it was you he accosted.

 

ILLYBRIUS

You or Orion might have told me there was an alternative should I have refused.

 

AKUMA

Blame Orion then. I gave him a copy.

 

EVRYN

Because nothing is ever your fault?

 

ILLYBRIUS

Ori—

 

ORION

I can't read fucking Dridarien.

 

AKUMA

You are an idiot, Orion.

 

EPIPHANY

[. . . Is Akuma Captain Obvious now?]

 

AKUMA

No, I'm Lieutenant Akuma. Wuhh.

 

ORION

I can accept that.

 

AKUMA

You can also choose when and where for this to take place, Irubura. It is entirely your call.

 

MARIE

Oh yes, it’s “entirely your call” between these two TERRIBLE OPTIONS.

 

STRAWBERRY

Yes. And?

 

ILLYBRIUS

I suppose it's best to get it over with. I change my previous decision in light of new information. Please don't ever make me do that again, Ori.

 

ORION

I blame it on the fact that I can't read anything. My tie to Drake only allows me to.

 

EPIPHANY

[ORION used BLAME-SHIFT!]

 

ILLYBRIUS

Oh, yes. Well, in the future, please try to make sure that all the information needed is given before asking a decision to be made.

 

EPIPHANY

[ It's super-effective!]

 

AKUMA

Next time I will just tell you myself. Promise. Now I have to go. I need to finish my talk with Impare. He sends his love, Irubura.

 

EPIPHANY

[And I send all of my hate.]

 

TOD

Indeed, I send my anti-regards.

 

EVRYN

Me, too. Real Maheone might annoy the shit out of me, but at least he's not a faker.

 

ILLYBRIUS

And I mine. Is there a chance he'll talk with his children or Cinnamon? Not now, of course, but sometime soon? Fennel is testy.

 

MAHEONE

We shall see, love. I have other things I need to finish up with my Gift first.

 

EVRYN

You know, ever since reading Hogwarts Exposed, my brain translates “gift” into “hymen“. From now on, that's what I'll assume you're talking about.

 

FREDDIE

It’s somehow less creepy than what he’s actually talking about.

 

ILLYBRIUS

Please stop calling her that.

 

EVRYN

Dude, Akuma is TOTALLY Maheone's hymen.

 

MAHEONE

It's only a nickname, love.

 

ILLYBRIUS

Yes, as “prettyboy” was yours. As I remember, you didn't much appreciate it.

 

EPIPHANY

[What is it with Corri and weird pet names, anyway?]

 

FALCON

Yeah so one of my nicknames is “Chuckles”. I can’t decide if it’s more cringe or less cringe than “Gift” or “Irubura”—Nope, it’s definitely better than “Irubura”.

 

AKUMA

It's fine, Irubura. He's been calling me that since I was born. I don't mind. Now can we be excused?

 

ILLYBRIUS

I don't see why not.

 

AKUMA

Thank you, Kibito.

 

MAHEONE

Yes. Maybe... we can talk... tomorrow...?

 

ILLYBRIUS

Certainly, if you're not too busy. Might Cinnamon, Enon, and Fennel speak with you as well?

 

MAHEONE

I guess. I really just want you.

 

EVRYN

I’ll give him this: At least he’s direct about it. He uses his big-boy words, unlike some people.

 

MAHEONE

Talk to you tomorrow.

 

ILLYBRIUS

Tomorrow.

 

[exit MAHEONE and AKUMA]

 

ORION, Y_Y

I didn't get a kiss…

 

EPIPHANY rolls eyes

 

TOD

However, this is what is termed a “mood”.

 

ILLYBRIUS kisses Ori

 

ILLYBRIUS

Better?

 

ORION

Yum... You have no idea how horny you make me…

 

TOD

I no longer sympathise.

 

ILLYBRIUS

Probably about half as horny as you make me.

 

ORION

You are so lucky I believe in business before pleasure, Pet.

 

EPIPHANY zaps Orion

 

EPIPHANY

[Since when?]

 

STRAWBERRY

Why not both? Simultaneously?

 

MARIE

Maybe he means “Arkantos”. Business before Arkantos.

 

[REACTION SHOT: Arkantos, standing in the rain, with sad violin music playing]

 

ILLYBRIUS

I wouldn't call myself lucky.

 

ORION

You don't have to do it now... we could... and then if he happens to get dragged in...

 

ILLYBRIUS

Very well, then.

 

ORION

Before we begin, though, Pet—

 

EPIPHANY zaps Orion

 

ORION

I have one question for you.

 

ILLYBRIUS

Anything.

 

ORION

I... still have my Oni Orb sitting here. I haven't used it yet. I was wondering if you wanted me to use it.

 

EPIPHANY

[ I'd like to reiterate that that's a stupid name for your stupid morality-modulating device.]

 

SERLEINA

I HAVE A MUCH BETTER *DEVICE!*

 

EVRYN

Yeah, but what did you name it?

 

SERLEINA

Name it? Why would I name it? It's my DEVICE! I do have a machete named Jasmine, though.

 

SIGYN

I named MY favourite weapon.

 

SERLEINA

You mean that bow and arrow set?

 

SIGYN

Technically, the bow and the tree from which branches I carve its arrows.

 

SERLEINA

Well, are you going to TELL US WHAT THE NAMES ARE?

 

ILLYBRIUS

Not unless you want to, my love.

 

SERLEINA

NO ONE WAS TALKING TO YOU!

 

SIGYN

Faithebow'n and Helina.

 

SERLEINA

YEAH, BUT WHICH IS WHICH?

 

SIGYN

I'm just gonna let you figure that one out for yourself, sparky.

 

ORION

It stays for now, then.

 

ILLYBRIUS

Can you top?

 

ORION

*moans in pleasure* Do whatever you want, Master.

 

STRAWBERRY

I’ll take “Missing the point” for $500, Alex.

 

ILLYBRIUS

Ori, Ori, I meant for you to be the dominant this time. If you don't want to, I won't press it.

 

ORION

I know. I want you to tell me.

 

ALEX THE CUSTODIAN GUY

So did you want $1,000 or…?

 

STRAWBERRY

That’d be nice.

 

ORION

Hmmm... better yet... I have an idea.

 

ILLYBRIUS

Hmm?

 

ORION

I think... I want you a bit tied up.

 

EPIPHANY

[Can I leave now?]

 

OVD

In a minute.

 

ILLYBRIUS

*purrs* Alright. Tie me up however you like.

 

ORION

Strip for me first, Pet.

 

EPIPHANY zaps Orion

 

EPIPHANY

[That's my cue to leave.]

 

[AGEQUIT EPIPHANY]

 

[LIGHTS OUT and the following is heard]

 

WT

Illybrius removes his pants.

 

ILLYBRIUS

My vest was ruined.

 

ORION

Just means you need a new one.

 

ILLYBRIUS

I had that vest for thousands of years.

 

ORION

Damn. Guess that's a no.

 

ILLYBRIUS

I can easily buy or make a new one, but it just won't be the same. It would be like losing Fjoreone.

 

ORION

Which she has been practicing with.

 

EVRYN

I don't recall Illybrius asking.

 

ORION

Now...

 

WT

Orion ties Illybrius's hands together with some black silk behind Illybrius's back.

 

ORION

Let's "but" the mouth of "your" to work, Pet.

 

REIYA zaps Orion.

 

WT

Illybrius sucks on Orion greedily.

Orion moans in pleasure.

 

ORION

God... you are so good at that.

 

WT

Illybrius deepthroats and purrs.

Orion grips Illybrius's shoulders.

 

ORION

Oh so... good.

 

WT

Illybrius sucks harder and swallows around Orion

 

ILLYBRIUS

Mmm.

 

ORION

*moans* I'm getting close, Pet.

 

REIYA zaps Orion.

 

ILLYBRIUS

I love my master.

 

EVRYN

Glug.

 

WT

Orion lays down on the bed.

 

ORION

Come here, Pet.

 

REIYA zaps Orion.

 

WT

Illybrius shuffles over on his knees.

 

ORION

I want you to ride me. You want me to lube you?

 

ILLYBRIUS

Oh yes.

 

WT

Orion grabs lube and rubs some on himself and Illybrius.

 

ORION

Go ahead, Pet.

 

REIYA zaps Orion.

 

ORION

I'll steady you.

 

WT

Illybrius looks up at Orion with big eyes.

 

ILLYBRIUS

Are you sure?

 

WT

Orion smirks.

 

ORION

Unless you can do it yourself with no hands.

 

WT

Illybrius blushes.

 

ILLYBRIUS

I wouldn't know.

 

ORION

Well, you can try, and if not, I can help you.

 

WT

Orion reaches down to stroke Illybrius.

 

ORION

Deal?

 

WT

Illybrius moans and backs up on Orion.

Orion moans and grabs "him" hips.

Illybrius whimpers and slides down, loving the sensation.

Orion moans at the feeling.

 

ORION

Go ahead, Pet.

 

REIYA zaps Orion.

 

ORION

Ride me.

 

WT

Illybrius rides, a bit awkwardly but enjoying Orion nonetheless, eyes closed, reveling in the sensations.

 

ORION

Mmm... You feel so good, Pet.

 

REIYA zaps Orion.

 

ILLYBRIUS

You too, my master.

 

WT

Orion grabs Illybrius's hips harder.

 

ORION

Try arching your back, Pet.

 

REIYA zaps Orion.

 

ORION

It will feel even better.

 

WT

Illybrius arches.

 

ILLYBRIUS

Like this, Master Ori?

 

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