Note: This script may require editing to stay consistent with
previous scripts.
TITLE
Audience Approval, part 2
SETTING
Illybrius's room
Sun, Nov 23, 2008;
7:34 PM
ORION
Damn her! I'll
be back Pet.
EPIPHANY zaps Orion
FLUOU smacks Orion with the Grammar Hammer
ORION
This shouldn't
take long. Promise.
EVRYN
Illybrius
isn't even in the room!
EPIPHANY
[ I think he just likes getting zapped and
whacked.]
[11 minutes]
ILLYBRIUS
I'm back.
ORION
I'm here. I'm
back too Pet.
EPIPHANY zaps Orion
FLUOU smacks Orion with the Grammar Hammer
ILLYBRIUS
I think she
tried to talk to me, but I wasn't able to hear.
ORION
Guess you
want to know then.
ILLYBRIUS
I admit to a
mild curiosity. What did she say?
ORION
She gave me
your halberd. Said it was mine now. She thinks you just did the human terms of
a divorce.
FLUOU smacks Orion with the Grammar Hammer
SIGYN AND DREPANON
DO YOU
REALISE HOW MUCH PAPERWORK, TIME, AND FUCKING *BUREAUCRACY* THAT REQUIRES?!
DREPANON
...
SIGYN, looking a little pleased
...
DREPANON
Awkward.
EPIPHANY
[Your face is awkward.]
DREPANON
No, I'm just
drawn that way.
CORRI
No, man,
I've seen you. Your face really is awkward.
DREPANON
Impolite.
ORION
Where was
the comma supposed to go?
FLUOU
That was for
your shitty word structure.
ORION
But you didn't
say...
FLUOU
Do I really
have to explain the function of a punitive hammer?
ORION
But I don't
understand!
FLUOU
That's not
my problem.
EVRYN
I wonder how
much Kibby gets hit with that thing?
FLUOU
He's
actually quite eloquent when he's not on the show. Corri just writes his lines
like an idiot.
ORION
But she
writes my lines like an idiot, too!
FLUOU
Hey, good
job, little buddy! You paused at the comma!
EVRYN
I think
Corri's just a bad writer.
FLUOU
The actor
should be smart enough to tell the difference between what's meant to be said
and what's actually written. In Kibby's case, it doesn't bother me as much
because he's a very minor character, but this asshole's on almost every
episode.
ORION
So she left...
And took your unborn son with her.
EVRYN
£5 says she
miscarries again.
ALEX THE
CUSTODIAN GUY
I'll take
that bet.
ILLYBRIUS
...
She couldn't
have bothered to confirm?
EPIPHANY
[Of course not. Acting rationally would prevent
Corri from milking the situation for all the distress it's worth.]
ORION
I just found
out. Apparently she asked Anubis the other night.
EVRYN
No, she
asked an00b15.
ORION
He was
testing her and told her that for you to talk with Maheone she had to give up
her ability to bear childer.
EVRYN
Wait, wait,
if she's getting a pregnancy test, then like, couldn't she just buy one at the
drugstore?
META AND CIN
Those are
both too mainstream and not 100% accurate
CIN
... Yeah, I
see it. Super awkward.
FLUOU
I honestly
don't see what having chillens has to do with Psycho talking to Maheone.
DREPANON
Audience One
wasn't—
SIGYN
He didn't
mean me.
EVRYN
Well,
Maheone is a fertility god, but he's got nothing to do with Remirum.
OVD, warningly
Evryn...
EVRYN
Nothing
whatsoever.
ORION
She agree
but let her keep it knowing how much she wanted them.
FLUOU smacks Orion with the Grammar Hammer
ORION
You're just
doing this because you like to!
FLUOU
Deal with
it.
EPIPHANY
[So, in other words, there were no actual
consequences to her actions, like always, and you only said that to freak out
Illybrius for a bit because Corri feeds off other people's unhappiness?]
ORION
She said she
was going to tell you tonight.
ILLYBRIUS
Then she
should have told me tonight. I'm irked with these mind games. If she has
something to say, she ought to say it; if she has a question, she ought to ask
instead of assuming the worst.
ORION
Well it
doesn't matter now.
EPIPHANY
[Translation: Corri doesn't want to deal with
consequences.]
EVRYN
We should
make her copy an essay.
SIGYN
Ughhh... I
hated those fuckers.
CIN
Hello, when
did YOU have to copy an essay ever?
SIGYN
I had to
deal with YOU having a 2 and not being able to hang out while YOU copied them,
and that's just as bad.
DREPANON
Wait,
there's a continuity in which Audience One didn't get herself in trouble
all the time?
CIN
Yes there's
a cOnTiNuItY wHeRe AuDiEnCe OnE dIdN't GeT hErSeLf In TrOuBLe AlL tHe TiMe.
It's called "Early FalconCanon circa 2003 - 2007," where *I*
was the one getting MYself in trouble all the time. Also, can you please try
not to say something that stupid ever again? My writer says Spongebob
Chickening that took way too xlong.
DREPANON
...
Anachronisms?
CIN
Go play with
your soapbox, sweetheart.
DREPANON
Once again,
please don't call me that. SHE calls me that.
CIN
I wasn't
aware that Akuma ever— oh. You didn't mean her this time.
ORION
She said she
would be back in a few months but you could still wirte to her. She's staying
at the Dark Moon Keep. She'll be safe
there. No doubt you will want to challenge her for the chlide?
FLUOU smacks Orion with the Grammar Hammer
Did I
mention that this doubles as a Word Usage Hammer?
ORION
The child!
ILLYBRIUS
I don't give
a rat's squiggly pink tail.
ORION
Very well.
It's not my place to get involved.
EPIPHANY
[Translation: Now Corri is getting all pissy and
passive-aggressive because you didn't take the bait.]
ORION
She did keep
Condemption and Redemption though. I feel nothing will happen.
EVRYN
I agree, but
mostly because "condemption" isn't a word. Did you mean "condemnation"?
ORION
I don't
believe in condoms, for this nation or any other.
EVRYN facepalms
Where does
Corri get your weapon name ideas from, anyway? Devil May Cry?
FLUOU snaps dictionary shut and smacks Orion with the Grammar
Hammer
FLUOU
I would not
be surprised.
ILLYBRIUS
I. Don't.
Care. Right now, you are here with me. I want to focus on you and me, and if
Maheone's not hurt, then fuck the rest.
ORION
Of course.
EVRYN
Yeah, he'll
do anything that moves! And some things that don't!
ILLYBRIUS
... Good. I
th— wait, NO!
(BRRRING!)
*roll credits*
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