TITLE
Dark Maheone Becomes Britney
November 18, 2008 – 9:00 p.m.
DARK MAHEONE
Fine. Well
then. The lamb kills itself.
STRAWBERRY
Do a flip!
ILLYBRIUS
Or was
"prettyboy" the trigger?
LENA AND
SERLEINA
HASHTAG
TRIGGERED!
ILLYBRIUS
It really
does suit you, you know. A beautiful face with the brains of an ox.
DREPANON in a Box
I can still
HEAR you.
CIN
Illybrius is
talking to Dark!Maheone, not you.
DREPANON in a Box
Oh, that was
Illybrius? Never mind.
DARK MAHEONE
Fine. Tell
him goodbye.
ILLYBRIUS
Heh. As I
said. You're not the only one with a dark side.
CALEB, offstage
I'm sorry,
Dad. I popped Mom's arm floaties by accident when I was sewing!
DARK MAHEONE
Poor little
boy.
LENA
You
condescending pedo jerk.
DARK MAHEONE, now with 9 spears in him (because he
wasn't enough of a pincushion yet)
Tell me,
have you taken him yet?
EVRYN
Dude, it's
his grandson. Eww.
ILLYBRIUS
Mmmmmmm...
no.
DARK MAHEONE, with 12 spears in him
You should.
He's so fucking tight.
ILLYBRIUS
Are you?
DARK MAHEONE, with all 18 spears in him
Like a
virgin.
EVRYN, dryly
Cuttin' for
the very first time.
DARK MAHEONE
Makes me
wonder how far I can push this boy to the limits?
THE XALDINS line up and bitch-slap Dark Maheone one at a time
before ripping their spears out of him while Serleina makes the appropriate
Unsounds.
ILLYBRIUS
Tell me...
XALDIN
[WAIT! We have to clean our spears.]
ILLYBRIUS
Oh, of
course. Carry on, then.
DREPANON exits the Soapbox
THE FICUS
Put some clothes on!
DREPANON is now wearing ... ... ... a thong.
THE FICUS
NOT what I had in mind.
SERLEINA
HEY!
DREPANON
Finders,
keepers.
XALDIN
[Okay, we're done.]
XALDIN 2 stabs Drepanon.
DREPANON
Rude.
EPIPHANY,
>_<
Ewwwwwwwwww.
ILLYBRIUS
If I raped
you now, would you stay, or would you force Maheone to take over like the
chickenshit you are?
EPIPHANY
EWWWWWWW!
ILLYBRIUS now has, like, four spears in him.
ILLYBRIUS
Or would you
simply leave... like the empty-headed fool you are?
DARK MAHEONE
Well... I
guess I would see how far I can push you.
ILLYBRIUS
Push me into
what?
DARK MAHEONE
Coming after
him. Or would you let him go back to the life he had? That of a whore?
XALDIN sighs in aggravated frustration and puts all six of his
spears into Dark Maheone
ILLYBRIUS
Hmmm....
Come here, Prettyboy. Let me show you how I used to try to push my beloved...
DARK MAHEONE
How about I
see what this boy's body can take instead?
XALDIN 3
[CHRIST ON TOAST.]
[We're LEAVING.]
[exit THE XALDINS (ragequit)]
[exit EPIPHANY (agequit)]
LIGHTS OUT and the following is heard
EVRYN
Not ANOTHER contrived sex scene! Ugh. For all you viewers out
there, Akuma or one of her friends was actually telling Illybrius that the only
way to "save" Maheone was to rape him.
REIYA
And he fell for it? Seriously?
EVRYN
Did you happen to notice that the title of this show is
Deceiver of FOOLS?
REIYA
Do we have to stay for this?
EVRYN
It's our job. We're Commentary. Epi gets out because she's
six, but the rest of us are stuck here.
ILLYBRIUS
Well, that's no fun if
I can't play. Now... this might sting a little.
DARK MAHEONE
You want to hurt him?
ILLYBRIUS
OHH! *purrs* You feel
better than last time, Prettyboy. What's your secret?
DARK MAHEONE
Stop it.
ILLYBRIUS
No.
WT
Illybrius smiles and forces himself all the way inside
Prettyboy.
ILLYBRIUS
I like this.
DARK MAHEONE
Stop it. STOP IT!
ILLYBRIUS
My cheap thrill....
WT
Illybrius reaches round and pumps.
DARK MAHEONE:
GET OFF ME!
ILLYBRIUS
No.
DARK MAHEONE
You're a whore just like your son.
SIGYN
THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID!
EVRYN:
Actually, studies
suggest that he's a whore in a way that's entirely his own.
ILLYBRIUS
My my, you are quite the handful. Or two.... But who's
counting. Oh, and if I'm a whore... how much do you plan to pay me for this
encounter?
DARK MAHEONE
I'll pay you in the blood of your son if you don't stop
WT
Illybrius purrs and rides Dark Maheone's ass as roughly as he
can. He pulls Dark Maheone's hands behind his back and restrains them
effortlessly.
ILLYBRIUS
Mmmmmmm.... So good...
DARK MAHEONE:
GET THE HELL OFF!
EVRYN
He's trying to. Stop interrupting him.
WT
Illybrius pants and rides Maheone's ass, if possible, even
harder.
ILLYBRIUS
You like it? I know Maheone did.
DARK MAHEONE:
BASTARD!
ILLYBRIUS
Yes, I am. Then again, so are you. Or he. I always wondered
why he never took me round to meet his parents.
DARK MAHEONE
Let go.
ILLYBRIUS
He knew my mother well.
WT
Illybrius massages Maheone's cock, then goes back to pumping.
ILLYBRIUS
Yet I never met his parents. I assumed they were, you know,
elsewhere. For the first few years, fine, but 19? 19 years and I never met his
family. Guess he's a bastard too, but I love him anyway. Or... as you're in
effect a part of him.... You. I love you.
EVRYN
Glug.
DARK MAHEONE
You are a sick fuck.
EVRYN:
Hold on a moment, I need to make a call. Hello, Kettle? Yes, a
pot named Dark Maheone would like to inform you that you're black.
THE POT
Hey, don't lump me in with—oh, forget it.
ILLYBRIUS
Yes, I am. That bothers you, doesn't it?
WT
Illybrius decreases his pace, riding Maheone's ass slowly and
deliberately, angling for his prostate
ILLYBRIUS
Ohhhhhhh.... Makes
me... makes me love you more.
DARK MAHEONE:
FUCKER!
REIYA
Duh?
WT
Illybrius nips Maheone's neck gently.
ILLYBRIUS
Now, now.
WT
Illybrius grips Maheone's hips and digs his talons in.
ILLYBRIUS
Tell me, Maheone... am I as good as the tree? Hmm?
DARK MAHEONE:
MOTHER FUCKER!
ILLYBRIUS
Now that, that I never did. My sister, yes. My cousin, yes. My
first wife's granddaughter, yes.
TOKIOMI
Reiya, I swear to God, if you say it—
DARK MAHEONE
I will kill them both.
ILLYBRIUS
With your hands bound? Now, now.
WT
Illybrius deliberately rubs the head of his cock against
Maheone's prostate.
ILLYBRIUS
You cannot honestly say that you don't enjoy this.
DARK MAHEONE
Don't need my hands to
kill them.
WT
Illybrius closes his eyes, enjoying the feel.
ILLYBRIUS
Mmmmmmm... I think I might even like you better when you're
evil.
DARK MAHEONE:
YOU WILL DIE
ILLYBRIUS
Maheone... my love...
my everlove...
WT
Illybrius presses his head against Maheone's prostate and
stays still for a moment, then resumes riding his ass, harder and faster.
ILLYBRIUS
Mmmmmmm... I think you might need a gag.
WT
Illybrius stuffs a pair of Cinnamon's panties in Maheone's
mouth and smiles. He grabs Maheone's balls and squeezes them hard.
DARK MAHEONE
NYCUCIXK
EVRYN
Meaning "cockbite." How many takes did it take for
the actor to pronounce THAT non-word, I wonder?
WT
Illybrius enjoys riding Maheone's ass and playing with his
bits.
ILLYBRIUS
Mmmmm....
DARK MAHEONE:
LET GO!
ILLYBRIUS:
No. And... don't call me a cockbite unless you want me to bite
yours.
DARK MAHEONE:
FOR THE LAST TIME, GET OFF!
EVRYN
He's trying! Don't pressure him!
WT
Illybrius stuffs the gag farther into Maheone's mouth and
strokes his cock more-or-less gently.
ILLYBRIUS:
You're hard. You can't say you don't enjoy this, not honestly.
DARK MAHEONE:
NUCTOWAY!
EVRYN
"Shit-eater", apparently.
WT
Illybrius kisses Maheone's neck.
ILLYBRIUS
Now, now.... Are you trying to turn me on?
EVRYN
Dude, that's just nasty!
MAHEONE
Illyria-briucce....
ILLYBRIUS
Maheone...
DARK MAHEONE:
NO! THIS BODY IS MINE!
ILLYBRIUS
Oh Maheone.... Oh Maheone...
WT
Illybrius cuddles up to Maheone's body, pressing all the way
in.
DARK MAHEONE:
NO! HE IS MINE!
WT
Illybrius kisses Maheone's neck.
ILLYBRIUS
There, there...
MAHEONE
Illyria-briucce... I...
ILLYBRIUS
Hmm? Maheone...
DARK MAHEONE:
I REFUSE TO GIVE UP
THIS BODY!
WT
Illybrius goes back to riding Maheone's ass hard and fast.
ILLYBRIUS
Then you'll feel
this... all the time.
DARK MAHEONE:
VEKENBRIUCCE!
EVRYN:
That's "Fucking hell" in Drakoste.
ILLYBRIUS
Mmmmmmmmmm.... Yes, you are. Do you like it?
DARK MAHEONE:
IT HURTS, YOU BASTARD!
ILLYBRIUS
It's supposed to.
DARK MAHEONE
You want one of them to die?
EVRYN:
For gods' sakes, just KILL somebody already instead of
threatening it!
ILLYBRIUS
Right now, the most important thing to me is making sure I get
a piece of that ass.
AHRRY
HEE-HAW, HEE-HAW FU... Oh. NOPE! NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE
NOPE!
DARK MAHEONE
I will kill you.
ILLYBRIUS
Ohhhh, but I can die
happy. Your ass is like heaven.
AHRRY
THE DOLL OF NOPE, SHE SAYETH NOPE!
ILLYBRIUS
Is this how you felt when you fucked me?
DARK MAHEONE
He loved raping you, and would do it again in a heartbeat.
EVRYN
NOPE! Out of character!
ILLYBRIUS
I'm glad. Ohh fucking
hell, I'm glad...
MAHEONE
Illyria-briucce... I...
can't stop him...
ILLYBRIUS
Shhh, it's not your fault.
DARK MAHEONE:
NO! THEY ARE MINE! I WILL NOT RELENT TILL I FIND THE VAULT!
ILLYBRIUS
Mmmmm, you sound sexy when you scream.
DARK MAHEONE:
I WILL TAKE THEM WITH
ME BEFORE I BOW TO YOU!
WT
Illybrius jackhammers inside Dark Maheone.
DARK MAHEONE
STOP IT!
ILLYBRIUS
Oh, you naughty boy....
You know when you tell me not to do something, it only makes me want to do it
more. Remember? Remember when we played that prank on Atis... you didn't want
me to, and that only incensed me more?
DARK MAHEONE:
CUT IT OUT!
ILLYBRIUS:
He didn't get the mud
out of that shirt for weeks! You thought
it was mean, I remember, but even you couldn't stay mad at me for long. Mmmm...
you feel so warm in my arms, just as you did then.
DARK MAHEONE:
KEEP YOUR FILTHY HANDS
OFF ME!
ILLYBRIUS
But I *kiss* am not
*kiss* going to *kiss* let you *kiss* reach that *kiss* vault.
DARK MAHEONE:
NO! KUNDA'S VAULT IS
MINE!
EVRYN:
Kunda wouldn't by any chance be naughty slang for woman-bits,
would it? Either way, why does this Kunda thing, whatever it is, have a vault?
WT
Illybrius squeezes Maheone's cock and pumps it harder while
riding his ass.
DARK MAHEONE:
LEAVE ME ALONE!
EVRYN:
I think Dark Maheone should be called Britney.
OVD
It is done. Dark Maheone, you are now known as
Britney!
DARK MAHEONE BRITNEY:
Fuck my life.
ILLYBRIUS
Ohhhhhhhhhh, but you feel soooooooo good. I love the feel of
meat in my hands...
AKUMA
It's working, Kibito, don't...
EPIPHANY
That's IT! MO NORE!
EVRYN
Holy shit,
where did you come from?
[click, click, FWOOOSH!]
EPIPHANY is now partially illuminated by the flame of a lighter
in her hand.
EPIPHANY rises and begins
the shuffle towards Akuma menacingly
EPIPHANY
Wurn the
beeaboo.
EVRYN
Burn off her
hair!
AKUMA:
NO! GET
BACK, YOU BITCH!
SERLEINA
ARF!
[AKUMA exits, stage right, pursued by a bear zombie]
[EPIPHANY exits, stage right]
LIGHTS OUT
BRITNEY:
HEY! THAT WAS MY LINE!
OVD
I like this version better. Let's keep it.
ILLYBRIUS
Oh! Oh, Maheone! MAHEONE! Fuck, you taste good!
WT
Illybrius bites Britney's neck and drinks a bit of blood.
ILLYBRIUS
Oh... you're even more savoury... than last time.
MAHEONE
Illyria-briucce...
don't stop. You're pushing him back!
ILLYBRIUS
I don't— plan to— oh,
sweet Ragnarok...
BRITNEY:
NO! TEMBE WNY BERTHDF SINCBTO AJOM PINEOC!
EVRYN:
Don't look at me. I don't know what that shit means. For all I
know, Corri just pounded out random keys on the keyboard when she wrote his
lines.
[sound of tapping keys is
heard]
EVRYN
"Tembe" is an elephant park in South Africa.
"Wny" gets "W.N.Y," West New York. "Berthdf" was
a duke of Bavaria. "Ajom" apparently has something to do with alloy.
Otherwise, I've got nothing.
WT
Illybrius slows down for a few thrusts, then jackhammers
again.
ILLYBRIUS:
OHHHHHHHH!! MAHEONE!
BRITNEY:
NO!
ILLYBRIUS:
MILIRI ALAGUCIA!
EVRYN:
He said something like, my love despite everything
BRITNEY:
I AM NOT!
ILLYBRIUS:
MI ALYE DOLCIUMI
ALAGUCIA.... My sweetmeat for life, despite it all
BRITNEY
Get off.
EVRYN
I think he just did.
ILLYBRIUS
No. Oh, and my shields are up. My bonds are closed. Mi alye
dolciumi alagucia, Maheone. Miliri alagucia. I love you.
EVRYN
Glug.
BRITNEY
Too late. I got what I need. They are lost to you again.
ILLYBRIUS
It doesn't matter. I
still love you.
EVRYN
Glug.
WT
Illybrius slows down and rides Britney's ass more gently,
still wringing his cock.
ILLYBRIUS
See? I'll love you no
matter what.
EVRYN
Glug.
BRITNEY
My spell is in place. You can't reach them.
WT
Illybrius kisses Britney's neck.
ILLYBRIUS
Mmmmmmmmmmm, such delicious flesh.
BRITNEY
You can stop trying to bring him back out. It won't.
ILLYBRIUS
I'm not.
BRITNEY
Then get off.
ILLYBRIUS
No.
BRITNEY
Get off of me, and pull that thing out of me.
ILLYBRIUS
No. You wanted rape.... Perhaps not to be on this end of it,
but you weren't specific that way. You wanted rape. I'm giving it to you.
EVRYN
Erm, that's not how that works at all.
BRITNEY
I needed you to rape the boy and the White One.
ILLYBRIUS
Well, I'm raping you. I
had thousands of years to rape the albino.
BRITNEY
I'll deal with you, then.
ILLYBRIUS
You feel so good. Oh, sweet Ragnarok, you turn me on.
WT
Illybrius rides Britney slightly harder, still angling to his
prostate.
BRITNEY
I am willing to trade with you.
ILLYBRIUS
Mmmmmmmmmmmm... talk to me.
BRITNEY
A trade. You do me a favor and I'll let you go.
ILLYBRIUS
I'm... not going... to stop fucking you... Ohhhh, god you feel
good. So tight... so... luscious...
BRITNEY
If you bring me the White One and rape him for me, I'll let
one of the two I have go.
EVRYN
RACIST— wait...
LENA
ABLEIST!
EVRYN
Really?
LENA
Albinism is a medical condition.
WT
Illybrius closes his eyes.
ILLYBRIUS
There's no way he can feel half as good as you do. I do things
that bring me pleasure.
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