TITLE
The Chronicles of Chaos
Wednesday, November 12, 2008, 10:44 PM
AKUMA
Brother,
ROSEMARY
Yes.
MARIE
New lore dropped!
ROSEMARY
Oh. I thought she was saying oh brother. Oh
brother, another episode.
AKUMA
I have something I must confess. It's been seventy years now—
EVRYN
IT HAS ONLY BEEN ONE DAY SINCE THE LAST TIME WE HEARD FROM
YOU! GET YOUR FUCKING TIME SHIT STRAIGHT AND STOP GIVING EPIPHANY FLASHBACKS!
EPIPHANY,
thousand-yard stare
AKUMA
and my healing seems to be done but my body is still
crippled.
REIYA
Lena doesn’t seem to be here, so ABLEIST!
SERLEINA
OOPS. MY BAD. I ACCIDENTALLY YOUR BONES. SORRY. BETTER GET
LOCKHART IN HERE TO FIX IT!
AKUMA
I need to take a very risky operation in order to come home.
AHRRY
Oh god, whatever shall I do? Seventy years of sitting around
and whining!
AKUMA
The gods in charge of my care (Brownie point if you remember
that line ^_^)
EVRYN
Oh yay, more blatant plagiarism.
AKUMA
--are going to rip apart my soul in order to correct the
damage
EVRYN
Why? That is completely unnecessary!
SERLEINA
SHUT THE FUCK UP AND LET THE CLUT GET SOUL-RIPPED!
EPIPHANY
[No.]
[She said that her body is fucked up, so they're going to
fuck up her soul to un-fuck her body? What?]
[This makes no sense.]
SERLEINA
Why are you expecting--
EPIPHANY
[outside of the context of being useless drama.]
[Akuma has no idea how surgery works.]
SERLEINA
Oh, okay.
AKUMA
but the risk...I might not even be myself after they are
done.
EPIPHANY
[Or you could just accept being physically disabled.]
AKUMA
But I need to come home.
EVRYN
You can be physically disabled and come home.
AKUMA
You guys need me.
EVRYN
...are you implying that you'd be somehow letting them down
if you were physically disabled? That's ...bad. That is so bad. I can't even
with the badness of that.
EPIPHANY, Santa Claus scowl
[She would rather risk total destruction of her personality
than just live with a disability?]
[This isn't the age of lobotomies anymore, you know.]
JEPH
[>implying Akuma has a frontal lobe.]
LENA
ABLEIST.
EVRYN
A little late.
LENA
Sorry. Drepanon was bogarting the Soapbox.
DREPANON
I DON'T SEE YOUR NAME ON IT.
LENA
DEMONS SHOULD BE SEEN AND NOT HEARD.
DREPANON
RACIST!
LENA
Why? You say the same thing about women and children.
DREPANON
Women and children aren't a race. Well, women are a
different species, but--
LENA smacks Drepanon with the Encyclopedia of Fuck You.
EVERYONE except Drepanon, Lena, and Sigyn
CHEER! CHEER! CHEER! CHEER!
THE STUDIO suddenly goes black.
Fade in.
EVRYN
Did we just teleport?
THE FICUS
Preventative measures have been taken. Thankfully, this is
still a Featureless Plane of Nonexistence.
EVRYN
At least it's scenery we're accustomed to.
AKUMA
This risk is a risk for love.
EVRYN
I'm going to pretend that that's about the teleportation.
AKUMA
I need to be with you guys, my only family.
ILLYBRIUS, wearing arm floaties
I am very disappointed that I didn't get to use these this
episode.
AKUMA
Take care of Corri.
And give those back, Lee!
ROSEMARY
I expect that from a computer. You are a chatbot.
AKUMA
She needs you more than ever. And I need my floaties!
OVD
You don't need the arm floaties when we're not being
flooded.
AKUMA
They're like a security blanket!
OVD
You're too old for a security blanket.
LENA
--
OVD
No, Lena. Akuma wasn't written as a neurodivergent
character, so we can say she's too old for this.
ILLYBRIUS runs around in a helicopter beanie
wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
OVD
And he's the god of immaturity.
ILLYBRIUS
YOUTH AND BATTLE.
OVD
I stand corrected. The God of Being Peter Pan.
ILLYBRIUS
I resent that! I didn't give up my son for eternal youth!
OVD
This isn't Once Upon a--
SERLEINA
SPOOOIIIIIIILLLLEEEEEERRRRRRRRRS!
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